Planning a wedding? You're likely deep in details, from venue selection to vendor contracts. One of the earliest decisions – and often a source of stress – is the save the date. Specifically, the question of do you include plus ones on save the dates is a common one. This article dives into the history of save the dates, modern etiquette surrounding plus ones, and provides a free, downloadable save the date template to get you started. We'll cover everything you need to know to navigate this early wedding planning step with confidence, keeping in mind budget considerations and guest expectations. Understanding when did save the dates become a thing is also helpful in setting the right tone for your announcement.
A Brief History of the Save the Date: From Luxury to Norm
Believe it or not, save the dates weren’t always a wedding staple. Before the late 1980s and early 1990s, they were primarily reserved for destination weddings or events requiring significant travel arrangements for guests. As destination weddings grew in popularity, so did the need to give guests ample notice to book flights and accommodations. The rise of more formal wedding planning, coupled with increasingly busy schedules, further cemented the save the date’s place in wedding tradition.
Initially, save the dates were often simple postcards. However, as wedding budgets increased and design options expanded, they evolved into the more elaborate cards we see today. The advent of online save the dates (e-save the dates) in the 2000s offered a cost-effective and environmentally friendly alternative, though printed save the dates remain incredibly popular. Today, when did save the dates become a thing isn’t a question many couples even ask – they’re considered almost essential, especially for weddings during peak seasons or holidays.
The Plus One Predicament: Navigating Guest List Dynamics
Now, let’s tackle the big question: do you include plus ones on save the dates? The answer, unfortunately, isn’t a simple yes or no. It depends on several factors, including your budget, venue capacity, and relationship with your guests. Here’s a breakdown of the common etiquette rules:
- Married or Engaged Couples: Absolutely. It’s considered standard etiquette to automatically include the spouse or fiancé(e) of a guest.
- Long-Term Relationships (Living Together): Generally yes. If a guest is in a committed, long-term relationship (typically living together or dating for a year or more), extending a plus one is polite.
- Single Guests: This is where it gets tricky. Traditionally, single guests were not automatically given a plus one. However, modern etiquette is becoming more flexible. Consider these points:
- Do you know the guest’s plus one? If you have a relationship with the person they’d bring, it’s a nice gesture.
- Is the wedding a large event? If you have ample space, extending plus ones to single guests is less of a burden.
- Is the guest traveling from out of town? Offering a plus one can be a kind gesture for a solo traveler.
- Recently Single Guests: Be sensitive. If a guest has recently gone through a breakup, offering a plus one might be awkward. It’s perfectly acceptable to omit it in this situation.
Important Note: The save the date is not the final guest list. It’s an initial notification. You can refine your guest list and plus one decisions when you send out formal invitations. However, it’s best practice to be as accurate as possible on the save the date to avoid any surprises or hurt feelings later on.
Save the Date Wording: Addressing Plus Ones Gracefully
How you word your save the date can subtly indicate whether a plus one is included. Here are a few examples:
- Including a Plus One: “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Guest” or “John Smith & Partner”
- Not Including a Plus One: “John Smith” (This is direct and clear.)
- Ambiguous (Use with Caution): “John Smith and Family” (This could imply children are invited, but not necessarily a significant other.)
Avoid phrases like “and a guest” as they can feel impersonal. Using “Partner” is a modern and inclusive option for guests in long-term relationships who aren’t married or engaged.
Budget Considerations and Save the Date Costs
Let’s be realistic: weddings are expensive. Adding plus ones significantly impacts your budget. Each additional guest means increased costs for:
- Food and Beverage: This is typically the biggest expense.
- Venue Capacity: You may need a larger (and more expensive) venue.
- Stationery: Save the dates, invitations, thank you notes – it all adds up.
- Favors: If you’re providing wedding favors, you’ll need more.
Before extending plus ones liberally, carefully assess your budget and prioritize. It’s better to have a smaller, more intimate wedding with guests you truly want to share the day with than to stretch yourself financially to accommodate unnecessary plus ones.
Timing is Everything: When to Send Save the Dates
Generally, you should send save the dates 6-12 months before your wedding date. For destination weddings, 9-12 months is recommended. Here’s a timeline:
| Wedding Timeline | Save the Date Timing |
|---|---|
| 6-9 Months Away | Send Save the Dates 6-8 Months Before |
| 9-12 Months Away | Send Save the Dates 9-12 Months Before |
| Destination Wedding | Send Save the Dates 9-12 Months Before |
Sending them too early can lead to guests forgetting, while sending them too late might not give guests enough time to make arrangements.
Free Downloadable Save the Date Template
To help you get started, we’ve created a free, downloadable save the date template in Microsoft Word format. This template is fully customizable, allowing you to change the fonts, colors, and wording to match your wedding theme. It includes space for your names, wedding date, location, and a brief message. Download your free Save the Date Template here!
Template Features:
- Fully Customizable
- Microsoft Word Format (.docx)
- Printable and Shareable
- Includes space for all essential information
Beyond the Basics: E-Save the Dates and Website Integration
Consider supplementing printed save the dates with e-save the dates, especially for guests who are more tech-savvy. E-save the dates are cost-effective and environmentally friendly. You can also integrate your save the date information with your wedding website. This allows guests to easily access additional details, such as travel information, accommodation options, and your gift registry (if you choose to have one). Popular wedding website platforms include The Knot, WeddingWire, and Zola.
Staying Organized: Tracking Responses and Guest List Updates
Keep track of who has responded to your save the date. This will help you get a preliminary headcount and refine your guest list. A simple spreadsheet can be incredibly helpful for this purpose. Note any dietary restrictions or special needs that guests may have.
Final Thoughts & Disclaimer
Planning a wedding is a complex process, and navigating the etiquette surrounding save the dates and plus ones can be challenging. Remember to prioritize your budget, consider your guests’ needs, and choose a solution that feels right for you. Don’t be afraid to break with tradition if it doesn’t align with your vision for your special day.
Disclaimer: I am not a legal or wedding planning professional. This article provides general information and should not be considered legal advice. For specific legal or wedding planning guidance, please consult with a qualified professional. Refer to IRS.gov for information regarding gift tax implications related to wedding expenses, if applicable. Wedding etiquette can vary, so consider your personal preferences and cultural norms when making decisions.